Day 6: It had to be a sad but funny last day!

Today was the last day of our hike. I have mixed feelings about this. I’m very happy that I did it, but also pretty sad that it’s over. This was such a rewarding hike for me in so many ways and it gave me a lot of peace. There were a lot of moments when I really felt connected to Matt. 

By embodying the energy of the gazelle, I aim to move gracefully through my surroundings and understand the significance of being present. The gazelle's ability to evade danger symbolizes the importance of overcoming challenging situations.

View from above the rocks!

The hike today started with the sun shining- gorgeous day, but the grounds were very wet and most of the paths were muddy.  We even came across a beautiful stream with a little waterfall, and with all the rain, most of the rocks are underwater and the only way to cross is to get your feet wet. It was a beautiful view so I didn’t mind getting wet.

After yesterday's downpour, there were mosquitoes, but also lots of deer. One deer even posed for a video while crossing the path. There was also an interesting striped caterpillar that we could not identify, a robin’s egg, a purple butterfly and one person. I received this message before- “you keep looking for butterflies and birds as signs, what about snakes?” – Well, we encountered a rather large black snake on the path today. Instinctively, I backed away because of its length, as it was not possible to get a good look at its head to identify it. Thanks for the slithery friend.  It certainly made the day a bit more interesting!  (By the way did you know that the snake is much like a caterpillar/butterfly- both embodies the qualities of transformation. The caterpillar to chrysalis to a butterfly, shed old and emerges with new form which can be interpreted as shedding old ways and embracing change and that even difficult experiences, beauty can materialize. Much like the snake, in its ability to cast off its old skin and emerge anew, it represents rebirth. I read somewhere “In its cyclical shedding of its skin, the snake becomes a symbol of renewal and resurrection. The spiritual energy of the snake inspires us to view endings not as finality but as gateways to new beginnings.  The snake also represents the journey of healing. In its association with ancient healing symbols, the snake becomes a messenger of inner transformation and well-being. The spiritual medicine of the snake encourages us to embark on a path of self-discovery, to confront our wounds, and to embrace the process of healing with courage and compassion.”  (Something to mull over in this grief journey)

On a lighter note, it was our last day, so we were hoping to see a bear and we were trying so hard and going real slow while looking around so that we don’t miss if there was a black bear out there.  We were told that there were only 500 left in the park and that the sightings are far and few in between. We pause every time we hear a loud rustling noise. My friend was about a quarter o r so a mile ahead of me when I heard something. It sounded big and up the hill, about 100 - 150 yards away.  I looked around to see if my friend was close by because I did not want her to miss out if it was a bear.  I did not see her, and when I looked back up, a tree fell.  At that moment, I was not going to wait around to see what creatures/animals will come running out of the woods- I started running, thank goodness the path was flat and not rocky like the last few days. If I was on videotape,  I probably looked goofy and silly.  I was running with I could only guess -a panicked look in my face, the poles up in the air with my arms flailing, and I cannot remember the last time I ran that fast with a backpack and all.  When I reached my friend and told her what had happened-we burst into laughter.  I think we needed that. It had been a very emotional hike because it was coming to an end that we needed to laugh.

What is the right path?

Before I end this post:

To the (trail name) “Navigator”  -without you I would’ve gotten lost in the woods.  Thank you.  You are an amazing person and I am so glad we were/are in sync in so many ways.  The Navigator and the Gazelle would need to do this again.

To those who have lost a child, my heart breaks for you.  Losing a child defies the natural order of life. I have experienced several devastating losses- losing a younger sister who only lived for 9 ½ hours, a brother in his 50s, an aunt who was like a sister to me and my father soon after my son passed away. However the pain and grief over losing my son is the most profound.  Know that you are not alone although it may often feel like that.  Find a support network; my support groups have been my saving grace, it may take a few tries to find the right one but when you do, they become like family. They understand what you are going through and can relate, and mine have definitely been there when I needed them.  I know we must journey on and that we will always grieve but I continue to look for pockets of joy.  As I approach the 2nd year milestones- having been told early in my grief that it is harder because you are no longer in shock, I am trying to remember the importance of honoring anniversaries and giving ourselves grace.

To those that have not experienced this profound loss – Please give your child/children a hug today and everyday.  Say I love you to them every time you part.  I am at peace that “Good night, I love you” were our last words.

I’ve never been someone who believed in signs, and I wasn’t searching for them. But over the past year, and especially on this journey, there have been so many moments that made me feel unexpectedly connected to him. I didn’t expect it—but I feel it. And I’m truly grateful that Matthew led me to this path.  Thank you Matt for the connections and for the peace. For giving me such a wonderful gift and for enabling me to have quiet reflections.  Through memories I have a new found appreciation for our relationship.  I also feel a deeper sense of calm and clearer perspective.  I know I can’t have you back physically and I will continue to grieve that profound loss but I also know you will always be with me.  I will always love you. 

In loving memory of Matthew. Rest in Peace with grandpa.

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~Sincerely, Gazelle (aka Maria)

Muddy with mixed emotions at the end of our walk!