Matthew is my son—my beautiful, brilliant boy. He passed away at 22.

 

Quiet, observant, and deeply kind, he didn’t speak to fill silence. He spoke when it mattered. And when he did, it was always worth listening to. It was usually something brilliant or funny or both! He had a quirky sense of humor. It always made me laugh.

 

He had a gift for learning and a heart for helping. One of the things I’m most proud of is his independence, sensitivity and his kindness.  He loved the dictionary project and wanted to revive his passion to raise money to bring dictionaries to schools that needed them. He loved language. He loved meaning. He believed in giving quietly, and giving well.

 

Matt had such a big heart. He loved deeply and lived passionately. As a single mom, he never asked for much from me. Even as he grew older, first leaving for college and then living on his own, he stayed independent and self-sufficient, never wanting to be a burden. Even during the long stretch when he was in the hospital the year before he passed, he never complained.

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He had a rescue dog—a beautiful black lab mix with a sweet face and too much energy. He loved that dog.

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He is deeply missed and forever loved. I've received many heartfelt emails about him, and to quote one of the ones that really touched me "I look back at him in my life as being too pure for the rest of us on Earth."

 

We used to talk about hiking the Appalachian Trail. It was something he wanted to do someday. It stayed on the “someday” list. He never got the chance. So now, I’m walking a part of it for him. With his hat. With his walking pole. With his memory beside me the whole way.

 

And then there were the butterflies. After he passed, I started seeing green butterflies—everywhere. Not once, not twice, but again and again. At moments when I needed them. Moments when I needed him. I started to believe it was his way of letting me know he was still here. Still watching. Still walking beside me.

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I miss his beautiful smile.  I miss him everyday.

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This space is for my boy Matthew.

For trail dust and quiet tears. For signs. For memories.

And for green butterflies.

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(*If you were moved, inspired, touched by anything I've posted please click on the contact button and send me a message.  It might take me some time but I will respond.  If you feel moved to support a cause in Matthew's honor, please click on contact button for more information.)